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Blue Vues

May. 29th, 2011 07:18 pm Wow, has it been that long?

Well, well.  It's been two years since I posted here.  But now that I see LiveJournal has gotten serious about comment spam, I decided to come back rather than blow this blog up and start anew.  So here I am ... ready to rant and scribble again.

Current Mood: awakeawake
Current Music: Breathless by the Corrs

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Jun. 18th, 2009 09:10 am

Back when I was younger, I made a habit of watching The 700 Club partly for laughs.  I got a particular hoot from the "word of knowledge" sessions, in which Pat Robertson, Terry Meeuwsen and the others would pray for miracles to happen--and they'd get words of knowledge about said miracles.  I couldn't help but think it was all scripted somehow--as if they'd somehow remembered the details of all the prayer requests that flowed in from across the country.

Well, while clicking around on YouTube, I happened to find one of these on CBN's channel.  This time, it was being led by Gordon Robertson (Pat's son), Terry Meeuwsen and John and Carol Arnott of Toronto Boondoggle--er, Blessing--fame. 

Now that I've become a charismatic Christian myself, conventional wisdom would suggest my perspective has changed on this.  Not by a longshot--and not just because I'm somewhat skeptical of these "words of knowledge," having been suckered by one of these so-called "words" myself.   Something about this screams "scripted, scripted, scripted"--at least to my ears.  Besides the remarkable specificity of these "words," doesn't it seem odd that first Robertson fils gets one, then Meeuwsen, then the Arnotts?  Seems to me that if these were real, they'd be popping in back and forth with these.

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Jun. 16th, 2009 09:00 am How bad is this economy?

A surefire sign, to my mind, of just how bad this economy is can be found in the spam folder of my email account.  I've been seeing a considerable influx in the number of two particularly noxious forms of spam--phishing and advance fee fraud.

It's sad, really.  My guess is that some ordinary people get offers to send these emails out to a list of email addresses, in return for a hefty paycheck to augment what they're already getting.  However, the risks of this are astronomical--having your Internet access nuked, and the possibility of arrest.

The latest of these is probably the most surprising--a phishing email that appeared to be sent from someone at , of all places, Ohio State.  When I took a peek at the full headers, I thought, "This has got to be a forged header.  Who at Ohio State would risk their future by sending this junk?"  But sure enough, when I ran eMailTrackerPro on it, it confirmed that the email indeed came from someone at Ohio State.  Tsk, tsk.

Current Mood: exhaustedexhausted

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Apr. 7th, 2009 04:07 pm I'm spoken for

Believe it or not, the happiest moment I've had in the last few weeks isn't seeing Carolina whip up on Michigan State last night.  Nope, I'm in a relationship with so far the most wonderful gal I've ever met.

Her name's Dora, and she lives in Arkansas.  She's a former massage therapist training to be a teacher.  She's just about the sweetest gal I've had the pleasure of meeting.  We've been friends since 2002, but started talking again in late 2008, not long after her marriage tanked with a guy who was a male version of Jamie. 

It's hard to put into words what I feel for her--and that's saying something coming from someone who's a writer and journalist by training.  She's a writer as well--she's written a lot of poetry.  It's one of many reasons that we get along so well.  One other is that she's a big-time sports fan--specifically, the Razorbacks.  Now it looks like I have to learn how to properly call the Hogs.

For those who are reading this and getting nervous about what happened last time, I'm playing it slow.  We both are ... even though we're both crazy about each other right now.

Current Mood: jubilantjubilant
Current Music: "Thinking Over" by Dana Glover

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Mar. 16th, 2009 05:27 pm Airing stuff out

I've found it hard at times to write much about some of the things that happened with Jamie and me, in part because when I want to write about it, the emotions that stir up in me make me afraid I could write something that could be construed as a threat.  So needless to say, the healing process, while far along, hasn't gone along as fast as conventional wisdom might suggest.  Those of you who've known me for any period of time--especially from Myers Park and Carolina--know it says something when I can't speak my mind. 

Part of it is coming to grips with the fact I was in an emotionally abusive relationship.  I should have seen early on she was an emotional time sink, but I'm a big-hearted fellow by nature.  You wouldn't believe the time I spent having to calm her down from her temper tantrums.  When we finally split up in August 2006, I'd been searching for an opportunity to get out since 2004--but something kept coming up.
Part of it, I guess, is that when I look back on it, it's still hard to adequately express the sense of betrayal I felt.  As many of you know, Jamie framed me up for supposedly making my niece watch X-rated movies as retaliation for having her son arrested for hitting me.  It's bad enough to find out that someone would hate me enough to frame me up for something so heinous.  In fact, even now as I write this, just thinking about it brings tears to my eyes.  It made it even more of a crusher to find out that Jamie had hit her son out of anger.  As most of you know, she didn't even contest that allegation in her divorce papers.  Most normal mothers would claw your eyes out if you even suggested they did harm to their kids.

I probably should have seen it coming a month earlier, though.  Jamie and her niece got in an argument over the way she'd acted at a Fourth of July cookout.  I heard something that sounded like someone hitting someone else and thought, Holy crap--did she hit her?  Jamie's answers were somewhat evasive.  I came thisclose to leaving her the next day--in fact, I seriously considered calling my mom and telling her I was coming home when I dropped off some clothes at a friend's house.  But in the end, I didn't feel comfortable leaving since I thought I'd have to report it to DSS--and since I hadn't actually seen anything I wasn't sure if I could report it.  So when I found out she'd hit her oldest son, I felt a world of guilt, since in all likelihood she probably had hit my niece after all.

In hindsight, I think realizing that I might have let Jamie get away with hitting a child was why I felt a bit embarrassed at first when one of my old pals friended me on Facebook and inspired me to resurrect my then-dormant account.  Seeing how well they were doing, I thought that they wouldn't be understanding.  Especially since so many people looked up to me and expected so much of me--I felt like a failure.  But the support I've gotten from them has been unbelievable.  It's been a bit sobering--after all, I realize that I crapped away my 20s looking for the one thing I hadn't gotten right since coming to Myers Park.  Most of my friends knew how hard it was for me to find a woman ... so naturally, I should have come to them for help on the romance thing.  In hindsight, I think most of them would have warned me off Jamie if I'd told them about her.

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Jan. 28th, 2009 09:10 am An emotional broadside

I had an awful dream last night while napping for work.  As most of you recall, I was framed up by my ex for supposedly making my niece watch X-rated movies and threatening to beat her up if she told anyone about it.  I dreamed that I'd actually been convicted of this--and sentenced to three months in prison.  And in solitary confinement to boot--anyone who does anything to a child is considered the lowest of the low on the prison social scale. 

Needless to say, I'm still shook up--I don't know how I was able to hold it together at work last night, and I finally broke down and cried this morning.  I can't even contemplate doing something that heinous.  Two things in particular really hurt--the fact that Jamie knew I could never do something so awful, and the fact I'll probably never get to hear her say she's sorry for doing this to me.

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Jan. 25th, 2009 02:46 pm Another tie restored ...

On Friday night, I went to see Myers Park take on Independence at Myers Park--the first time I'd been back to my old high school in nine years.  The basketball team stunk it up for most of the time I was there, but this year is no worse than the third-best team in the city.  We ran Independence off the court.  About the only thing that made high school basketball games fun when I was in school is that we had a great time every Friday night heckling the other team.

The one thing I didn't understand, though, was that the students who were there weren't making any noise at all.  Yeah, it was the end of exam week--but you'd think that would be a chance to really let your hair down.  Perhaps some of us old men and old women ought to head over there one night and teach these people how to be a real sixth man.

Current Mood: calmcalm

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Jan. 16th, 2009 11:41 pm Rotten luck

I'd hoped to get up with some old friends this weekend--but in hindsight, those plans got kiboshed on Monday.  I came home from work Monday morning to find that somehow, the back screen door had been locked.  So I was stuck outside for 15 minutes in 30 degree weather until Mom could come home from her substitute job to get the door open.

And this when I unexpectedly got a four-day weekend due to us being ahead of schedule at work (we don't go in Sunday night).  And they say there's no such thing as luck?  Baloney!

Current Mood: blahblah

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Jan. 14th, 2009 09:57 am 12 years of freedom

Recently, I've had the chance to renew old friendships with my college and high school friends ... I let some of those slip while crapping away my 20s trying to find a woman who'd love me for who I am.  Inevitably, it's led me to think back--what if I had drunk the Wrong-Waymaker Kool-Aid 12 years ago? 

Judging by what's happened with most of my former "brothers" and "sisters" in there, I think they were grooming me to be a leader in that bunch.  As many of you know, a good many of my former compatriots in that outfit eventually went onto ministry in EN--one couple's even serving as youth pastors at KPIC, while another is serving as children's pastors there.  Heck, sometimes I think KPIC's church plant in Charlotte was supposed to be my church.

Where would I be had I not "rebelled" (ack, another good word ruined forever!)?  I certainly wouldn't be divorced, living with my mom again and working in a warehouse.  But then I think of what I'd have had to give up--my integrity, my individuality, my dignity.  I wouldn't have given those up at any price. 

I'm still angry 12 years later at the Waymakers for stealing the first six months of my adult life from me.  But more and more, I find myself having pity for them--because sooner or later they'll have to face up to all the people they've stepped on over the years.  What still mystifies me, though, is how in the world they could continue to do Pastor Ron's bidding even after I warned them back in '97 that he'd been lying to them about his past with Maranatha.  Any normal person would have walked out of there.  Were they that drunk on power already?  Was it that ingrained in them to do whatever their pastor told them?  That's one of the few things about Wrong-Waymaker to which I'm still trying to find the answer.

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Jan. 1st, 2009 01:26 pm So much for being part of history

I wanted to go to the Panthers game next Saturday--but wouldn't you know, by the time I got through the only seats left were $400 club level seats.  I didn't want to go that badly.  Oh well, guess it's off to Picasso's ...

Current Mood: contentcontent

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